Double Date
by EddieChoseLife
Summary: The Merovingian decides that the Twins aren't quite...human enough, so sends them on their toughest assignment yet: To find a date. CHAPTER 11 UP NOW! I LIE NOT!
1. The assignment

Author's notes: Okay. Here I go. A random thought entered my mind at 10.51pm exactly, so I sat down at my computer and began. Like the hordes of people out there, I love the matrix, and I am somewhat unhealthily obsessed with a certain pair of dread-locked albinos. . .;)  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. It saddens me so. If anybody needs me, I'll be in the fridge. (  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Mondays. They were never good things. Whether it was work, school or simply the beginning of a new week that peeled you from your comfy bed at various stages of early morning, it was never greeted with a good feeling.  
  
The sunshine didn't help either, really. It was a fake, watery sunshine, the kind that didn't quite warm the world up to a satisfied degree, but just left it with a feeling of incompleteness, like a half finished portrait. At exactly 8.56 in the morning, it leaked in through the windows of the tastefully done office, and draped the ebony desk in a wan light. A pair of well-kept hands- one resting lightly on the other- were placed carefully on this desk. They belonged to a smart dressed man, tailored neatly in an expensive suit. He was known as the Merovingian, and had a reputation for liking tastefully-done offices and expensive suits. He was equally known for disliking Mondays. At this precise moment, he was boring a hole in the door facing him with his monotonous gaze. He was waiting. With a sigh, he checked the designer clock that was hung considerately above the door. It was exactly ten seconds till 9.00. He waited. . .  
  
A knock. Just one, but it was enough.  
  
"Come in." Merovingian said, his voice a heady mix of badly disguised annoyance and the recognisable edge of a Parisian accent. He watched the door swing forward, as two men came in, one closely followed by the other. To another the appearance of the pair would have at least provoked a startled noise somewhere at the back of the throat, or perhaps a look of pure disbelief, but not Merovingian. He had seen these two every day for decades, knew everything about them, created them. But still he regarded them suspiciously.  
  
Drenched from head to foot in white- suits, shoes- even their skin was a pasty, almost lifeless shade. This would have been strange enough- they contrasted so horribly with the greys and blacks of the suits their colleagues had to wear. Maybe it was this, or the dreadlocks that hung down from their heads, or even the dark sunglasses that made some people cross to the other side of the street when they saw them coming. Or maybe it was because they were identical. The same in every single aspect, in appearance, character- Merovingian knew this, he had programmed them that way. They were never made for subtlety- Merovingian had any enemies and so hired many bodyguards, much more than just these two. These were showpieces, like almost everything else he owned- the suits, fast cars, chateaux, offices. The Merovingian was, for a better word, loaded. And he liked everyone to know it.  
  
He realised that the Twins were looking at him now, expecting him to say something. They both had their heads cocked in the exact way, their expressions identical. Good. That meant they were both listening. Merovingian leant back in his chair, making a steeple out of his fingers and smiling in a, what the Twins had come to learn, a very unpleasant way. Whenever the Merovingian was happy, somebody somewhere undoubtedly was not.  
  
"Well," He breathed.  
  
Silence. The Twins knew better than to say anything.  
  
"You two 'ave been a valuable asset to my, ah, team." Merovingian said. " But you do 'ave, one fault. I notice you failed in your last assignment. I zhink I know why; it all comes down to one, inevitable flaw. It is not in your technique, but. . . something else."  
  
The Twin to his left shifted his weight uncomfortably.  
  
"Ah. You see, you two. Wonderful as you may be, I feel you 'ave alienated yourselves from people. You do nothing, but work for me. You talk to no-one except me. You follow my orders and do my bidding and that is eet. It 'as 'ad an affect on you. You no longer think like one of them, which is an awful disadvantage. You are. . .not human enough. Not anymore. And if you can't pass for. . . almost normal, people will start asking questions, and zen you are no good to me at all, understand? Oo needs body guards who don't even act human?"  
  
The Twins both nodded, just once.  
  
"So, it comes down to zis. You are on hiatus until you prove to me-both of you- can be passed for normal humans. It does not 'ave to be a complex process. My darling wife has suggested that you find a way to be accepted into ze closest bond humans have-" Menovirgian stopped there, for added effect. The words were rolling off his tongue so easily, they almost tasted sweet. After the final, rather melodramatic pause he could unveil his, or rather Persephone's, plan. He took a breath.  
  
"-A relationship." He said simply.  
  
He mentally noted the look of slight confusion on the Twins faces. By and by, the things their employer had asked them had been somewhat. . .colourful (assassinating any troublesome businessmen, blowing up various buildings, and once, spying on Persephone) but this was undoubtedly the strangest assignment they had undertook. Finally they collectively found their voice, though it was still one of bewilderment and confusion:  
  
"Relationship?" One asked.  
  
"How?" The other, conveniently known as Two, said.  
  
"With someone in the Matrix?"  
  
"For how long?"  
  
Finally they both settled on a fact that they both knew with certainty.  
  
"We. . ."  
  
". . .Are confused."  
  
Merovingian smiled wider, revealing perfect, white teeth.  
  
"Genius, isn't it? Nobody will let you take them out to dinner unless you are normal. You will be judged by humans, for your humanity. It's the perfect test."  
  
"Dinner?" Two quizzed, raising a pale eyebrow. "But we're not programmed to- "  
  
"You are programmed to learn, are you not?" Merovingian cut in. "Learn. And do it fast. Before I fire the both of you. I'll be checking up on your progress from time to time. Now-" He massaged his temples and closed his eyes, as though he had grown tired of the conversation. "Get out."  
  
Silently both left, their faces still contorted in a way of pure confusion. A relationship. How could one single word leave them feeling so apprehensive?  
  
The Merovingian settled back in his chair and smiled his maliciously evil smile. Even if it didn't work, if the Twins failed miserably and neither of them managed to find a date- it would still entertain him for a couple of weeks. Oh, this was going to be interesting. . .  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Well done! You made it to the end! Bravo! Liked it? Hated it? Any suggestions for what happens next? Well, get those fingers on those keypads and get busy. Everyone who reviews gets cookies. Not real ones, obviously, but it's the thought that counts. . . right?  
  
I will try to update as often as possible, and since my summer holidays are coming up I should have a lot of spare time on my hands so. . . we'll have to wait and see. Remember reviews make me type faster!  
  
Love you all, you beautiful people.  
  
~*Eddie*~ 


	2. The first attempt

Whee! Thanks a bunch for reviews! Yay! And so I write on. . .  
  
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Chapter 2  
  
"Well?"  
  
"Well what?"  
  
"What do you think about the Merovingian's. . . task?"  
  
"The same as you do, you idiot. We think the same."  
  
Two sighed and went back to flicking his nail- something that he knew irritated his sibling terribly. He checked his watch.  
  
"It's 10.30."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Well?"  
  
"Well WHAT?"  
  
"What do we do now?"  
  
It was One's turn to sigh. He leant back on his chair, observing the tables and people around him. He watched the waiter balance a tray on his arm with practised ease, deliver the drinks to a young couple and glide over to him. The waiter was used to the Twins somewhat unusual appearance; they were regulars here. . He spoke with in a casual yet polite sort of way, his nose buried in the notepad he had fished out of his pocket. He poised a well- sharpened pencil slightly over the paper.  
  
"And for you sirs? Any drinks I can get you?"  
  
One nodded vaguely, his eyes scanning the street though both the window and sunglasses directly in front of him.  
  
" Two teas. White, no sugar."  
  
The waiter nodded.  
  
"Anything else?"  
  
Two shook his head, the waiter turned to face him.  
  
"No thank you. That's all we'll need."  
  
A slight wavering smile, and the waiter was off. There was a pregnant pause. Two resumed flicking his nail while One continued to stare at the people walking past him. No matter how many times he sat and watched the world go by it always amazed him; men, women, children going about their daily lives that they thought were real. It was a strange thing, to imagine them stuck, minds trapped in this. . .zoo, whilst their bodies lay comatose in liquid-filled pods, monitored by the machines. To his left a fat man in a suit had just dropped his briefcase; to his left a middle aged woman was dragging a wailing child across the street. . .all of them, so very busy, whilst being asleep at the same time.  
  
A clinking sound told him the waiter was back and had laid their drinks on the table. He nodded a thank you and paid without a sound. Two had stopped examining his nail and was now staring blankly out of the window, just as his brother had been doing moments before. One cleared his throat. Two looked at him.  
  
"The Merovingian said a relationship, yes?"  
  
"Yes. He did."  
  
"What does he mean?"  
  
"Relationship." Said Two, as if he were reciting a section from a dictionary, which, come to think of it, was exactly what he was about to do. "Noun. One: The state of being connected or related. Two: association by blood or marriage. Three: An emotional or sexual affair or liaison- "  
  
"-I know what it MEANS, you idiot." One growled, before sipping noisily on his tea. " But. . .Say we met someone. We took them out. Does it go any further than that? How much do we have to do for this relationship? How human do we have to be?"  
  
Two shrugged.  
  
"Merovingian says he'll be checking on our progress. We'll ask him then."  
  
It seemed a logical thing to do. Another question formed in One's mind, and had already flowed out of his mouth before he had time to word it properly.  
  
"Chooseifwhawillbe?" He said, the random syllables alien to his mouth. They almost tasted disgusting. But he knew Two had understood.  
  
"I see your point. How DO we choose? There are so many women out there. . . " He trailed off, and to prove his point he pointed at the ones that walked past. He furrowed his brow in concentration.  
  
"What about her?" He said, pointing to a beautiful blonde woman dressed in red. One was about to nod in agreement before an equally beautiful man who drove an even more beautiful car greeted the woman. She got in and they kissed rather passionately before they drove off.  
  
"We'll need someone who's not in one of these relationship doodahs." Concluded One. "And I think she was miles out of your league."  
  
"You're just jealous of my good looks." Said Two, flicking his hair in the vainest way possible. " So understandably I'll have finished this assignment two years before you have."  
  
One raised an eyebrow.  
  
"We look the same, genius. And I'll have this relationship thing done TEN years before you do, and I will have so mastered it people will come to me for all their relationship advice!"  
  
Two looked at him, thoroughly unconvinced, before raising his cup to his pale lips. He stopped.  
  
"Her?" He motioned with his head.  
  
"Nah," Said One. "Too lanky."  
  
"Her?"  
  
"Too short."  
  
"Her?"  
  
"Too old."  
  
"Her?"  
  
"Too fat."  
  
Two was getting tired now. "Her?"  
  
"Ugh, you pervert! She's barely over 16!"  
  
"I was talking about her mother, moron, so I believe you are the pervert."  
  
"I believe you can go to hell."  
  
The Twins lapsed back into silence, scanning the crowd of people like two white wolves looking for a weak calf. At exactly the same time, both of their eyes fell onto a woman who had dropped her shopping bag. She scrambled to pick her things up. No one seemed interested in helping her and they just passed by as if she was invisible. She had short long black hair, and although she was a bit on the thin side she seemed very pretty. Both Twins stood and exited the café, eyes fixated on the black-haired woman.  
  
One felt a presence in his mind and realised Two had established a mental link.  
  
'What will we do?' Two asked telepathically.  
  
'I don't know. Help her with her bags or something. Seems like the right thing to do.'  
  
'Well we best not both of us go up there. We are kind of. . . unusual. We can't scare her off.'  
  
'Agreed. But you do realise we will need another woman, asides from this one. We can't share a date.'  
  
Two was about to argue before both realised that the woman had picked up all her things and was now walking away from them, and fast.  
  
One's instinct kicked in; leaving his brother outside of the café he stalked after her, weaving in an out of the approaching people, hardly making a sound. He imagined it was just another stalking mission, and having completed more of these than he cared to remember, he felt better. The woman was four paces away now, and before his mind could yell at him to stop he did something he was programmed to do. He grabbed he wrist lightly, turning it with practised efficiency and wrenching it a little too tightly into her back. The perfect arm lock. Immediately he felt stupid. She was going to scream, thinking she was being mugged, people would call the police and things would get messy very quickly.  
  
"Don't say anything. I won't hurt you." He quickly whispered into her ear. She nodded briskly and clamped her mouth shut. To the casual onlooker nothing was wrong with this scene- simply two people standing next to one another who seemed to be holding hands. One was good at his job. But of course, having successfully taken this woman hostage she had dropped all her bags again. For the second time in two minutes One felt stupid. The woman was breathing very fast and a slight sheen of sweat had broken out on her forehead. One tried to calm her down.  
  
"Sorry." He said, releasing her from his grip, "You dropped you things. I-" He bent down to pick them up. A soon as he did he felt a very solid foot connect with his stomach. All the air knocked out of him, he doubled over, gasping, and raised his head to see the woman sprinting away from him as fast as her shaky legs could carry her. She managed to bump into a lot of people on her way to freedom, which caused quite a commotion. A few people stared questioningly at One. A guy standing near him patted him lightly on the back and said;  
  
"Hey buddy, are you alright? Dumped you, eh? Don't worry, these women, they have there moments, but they all come crawling back, you'll see."  
  
One gave him a look that would have made most young children cry. The guy got the message and backed away.  
  
Making sure he was breathing okay again, One straightened his jacket and was about to continue on his way when he saw the shopping bags still scattered on the floor. He saw poking out of one of them was a packet of cigarettes. Deciding to make the best out of a bad situation, he bent down, picked them up and pocketed them. Then he walked away.  
  
He dreaded about telling this to Two. He was going to laugh till he was blue in the face.  
  
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I give you all chocolate-chip-vegan-cookies! Look, reviewing works- you gave me a bunch and it inspired me so this chapter only took a day to write! Yay! Hopefully more will be on its way and soon. But I think I am the world's worst at procrastination, so bear with me. Any ideas for the coming chapters? Don't be afraid, tell me! I'm sure I'll be able to weave it in there somewhere! I might include more Matrix Characters, I'll see how it goes.  
  
Love and Peace,  
  
~*Eddie*~ 


	3. A secret weapon

Nyah! I LOVE you guys!! Now I'm gonna respond to all your reviews. . . :clears throat:  
  
Megami no Inazumi: I will join in your first-comment-on-new-chapter dance. Sounds like fun. Well done for getting the first review!  
  
Seirei: Hee. This story is promising! That makes me happy! //bounce//  
  
A Greyer Shade Of Grey: Hmm, black goth girls? An interesting idea, maybe I'll weave in parts of it in coming chapters. . . //wink wink// ;)  
  
Kyrillia: Female twins is a good idea, again, its another maybe. And a transvestite? Hmm. . . //speaks no more about the subject//  
  
TheGameBever(Never?)Ends: I'm glad I made you laugh! I try with my humour writing, and some sucks, some doesn't, but if I get a laugh that's all that matters!  
  
Tashilover: Don't worry, our Twin will learn. He does get a date eventually. Ooh, I just gave out a spoiler. Oh well.  
  
Shadowcat832: It will be a difficult job for those Twins, but I'm sure they'll pull through ;) As for In or Out of The Matrix, listen up everyone! They people they date are inside it. Ooh look I just said another spoiler. Slip of the metaphorical tongue.  
  
Just me: //sweatdrop// don't worry I'll post soon! I'm doing it now even! Don't get aggravated!!  
  
Red Queen: Yes, I do agree, my French dialect is hard to read, but practise makes perfect right? Otherwise I'm screwed. . .  
  
Karina of Darkness: //Snickers along with you// Glad it's fun to read. I love it when I know people are enjoying this!!  
  
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Disclaimer: don't own, don't sue. And onto the Story. . . .  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The Twins were in their hotel room. The Merovingian had made sure they frequently switched residence; it made them harder to track. He was rather paranoid. But paranoid programs didn't get caught. That was his motto anyway.  
  
At the moment, the Twins were living in a rather pretty (and expensive) hotel known simply as 'The Grand Hotel'. It was large and classy and the beds had chocolate mints under the pillows. (Two had forgotten about these on more than one occasion and had woken up with a mint melted to his forehead.) The furnishings, the expensive painting on the walls, even the various pamphlets settled neatly on various stools and tables were elaborately designed. In short, the whole hotel was very La-di-da. Very Merovingian.  
  
Two flopped down on his bed, a smile still plastered on his face. One had just told him about the woman, the kick and the humiliation of the whole scene. Two's stomach still ached from all the laughing. Imagine. His brother's first attempt at reeling in a woman, and he had kidnapped her! Okay, so Two didn't know the first thing about dating or women, but he did have the sense to do some research. He forked around in his bag, fished out a glossy magazine and showed it to One.  
  
One looked down at the spring issue of 'the cosmopolitan' with a look somewhere between intrigued puzzlement and disgust.  
  
"What is it?" He said.  
  
"Simple, really." Said Two, grinning. "Look at the cover." He pointed to the bold lettering on the front of the magazine, which read:  
  
'The Dating Bible, Part Five: What Men Do Wrong, And How To Make It Right!'  
  
One raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Are you serious?"  
  
"Of course I am. We read this," ( another jab at the cover) "and we can't fail. We just read the article, do all the right things and avoid all the wrong things. It says it was written by professional relationship experts, you know."  
  
The look of scepticism vanished from One's face. He snatched the glossy from his brother's hand. He scanned the contents and flicked to page 124. Surely enough, there it was, three wonderful pages of the sacred Dos and Don'ts of relationships. He was amazed how beautiful the ink on that page looked. He blew out his cheeks in a sigh of relief. Soon the torture would be over.  
  
"This assignment is history. This is our secret weapon." Said Two.  
  
One chuckled.  
  
"What's so funny?"  
  
"Well, just think about it. We're probably the best hit men in the world. We've evaded the police, agents; we've got past security at various nuclear silos; assassinated some of the world's most powerful businessmen AND have had put up with the Merovingian for decades. And after all that, our secret weapon is. . . Cosmo?"  
  
Two shrugged.  
  
"Desperate times call for desperate measures, bro."  
  
"Yeah. I'll say."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Okay, I am so sorry it's so short. But! It just seemed natural for it to stop there. Sorry. I WILL make the next chapter longer for you. I promise. If I don't you can poke me to the point of insanity.  
  
Thank you for reading this!  
  
~*Eddie*~ 


	4. The second attempt

Doo doo doo. Here I go. Thanks for reviews! I love you guys so much!  
  
Now I respond: ::clears throat::  
  
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Tashilover: ok! Quit poking me! And um, yes. Magazines. Mmm. And you can date them. . . just not in this story.  
  
Karina of Darkness: Yep, I have to admit it's my favourite line too. I must try it sometime though- having a melted chocolate on my head. . .  
  
Nissi Nirvani: Um, you're right. Nothing good every comes from those magazines. Except the beauty and fashion pages. Um, I'm a Cosmo-fan. ^_^  
  
Kyrillia: Heehee, you're curious! 'Tis a nice feeling, ne? Now satisfy your curiosity with this next chapter!! ::cough:: self-advertising ::cough::  
  
Vampire Girl: Um yes, them Twins are great. I will e-mail you now. ::skips off::  
  
::skips back 'cos she's not done yet:: Della C: Ack! Don't sic Rogers on me! Look, look, I dun wrote summat! ::points to the text below::  
  
Wizardmon: Glad you're finding it funny! I live to give. Or something. . . ¬_¬  
  
Hyperactive Hamster Of Doom: (it's so fun typing that fast, btw) Yes, it could happen to anyone. Maybe someone you know, maybe someone who lives down your street, maybe your next door neighbour's dog. It can happen to anyone. The mints are in a conspiracy. ¬_¬  
  
And away I go! ::skips off::  
  
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Disclaimer: You know the drill. I don't own the Twins or any characters from The Matrix. They own me.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Two took a deep breath and sipped nervously on his wine. This was it. Somehow One had persuaded him to plunge into the very bowels of human existence. He was in a club. It was uptown and hip, with hordes of beautiful rich people occupying the dance floor or dotted fashionably around the tables. The bar men and women were dressed in black vests or tank tops, with the words 'The Lounge' scrawled lazily over them.  
  
The Lounge. Known for its expensive drinks and celebrity guests. Two was pretty sure even the Merovingian would have liked this place.  
  
His eyes flickered across the people, searching. To his left there was a guy with bright red hair. To his right there was a girl wearing a shocking pink skirt and knee high boots from Chanel. All these beautiful people and not one had made eye contact with him as he mooched alone at the bar. Eye contact, the Cosmo article had said, was the starting point to almost every relationship. He tried to catch the eye of a pretty woman who strode past him, but to no avail. Was he really that ugly? Two didn't find himself unattractive- a little. . . odd, perhaps- but certainly not displeasing to look at. Maybe it was the dreadlocks, or the fact he never took off his sunglasses, that repelled women. Or maybe it was the almost vampiric skin. He cursed The Menovirgian inwardly. How was he supposed to be accepted as a human if he barely looked like one?  
  
He felt a nudge at his arm. Someone was waiting to be served at the bar. He looked down and blew out his cheeks, bored. Then he noticed the delicate sandals that belonged to this someone. Then his eyes trailed upwards past some wonderfully long legs. The dress she was wearing subtly accented her figure, which pleased him. Her skin was dark, and contrasted heavily with his own, but there was something about her that drew him towards her. Something he could not quite put his finger on. He wanted to continue, just looking at her, before he realised she had noticed his rude staring. She looked back at him, and for a while neither spoke.  
  
Finally assured he had made sufficient eye contact, he held out a hand.  
  
"Erm. . . hi."  
  
A smile broke out on her lips, it made her whole face lighten up. Her nose crinkled a bit when she smiled- it made him want to smile too. Strange- all these things he had never noticed before, never even thought about before. He must be learning.  
  
She took his hand and shook it, though he could sense she found it awkward. Maybe he shouldn't have done that. Damn. He would have to warn One about the non-hand shaking rule.  
  
"Hello. My name's Mia. What about you?" Hmm, judging by her voice, she was English. That would provide something to talk about. He guessed she was from London, but he couldn't quite tell. Not just by listening to seven words, anyway. He realised she was still waiting for his name, and though his brain ran through a list of thousands of fake names he could have told her he had already spoken the truth.  
  
"Two."  
  
"Really? Are you serious?" She raised an eyebrow. Two liked it when she did that. It made her. . .more appealing, somehow.  
  
"Um. . . yes. I am."  
  
She shrugged.  
  
"Whatever." Then, "I can't help but notice you're accent. It seems we both are from the other side of the Atlantic."  
  
He nodded. Good, he thought, you've got a conversation going.  
  
"Yes, so it would seem. It's nice to hear another English accent. It's a break from all these American ones, I guess." He was surprised how easily the words slipped off of his tongue. They were almost as sweet as the wine he was drinking.  
  
She smiled again, and he was amazed by her perfect teeth.  
  
"So. . ." She said. "Which part of England are you from?"  
  
Shit. He hadn't thought this far ahead. He had forgotten that she would ask questions. The article said that she would. Not having actually having been to England didn't help. His brain went into overdrive to pull a name of a city, a town, anything that would be an appropriate answer. Something that would seem normal. He cursed The Matrix; it had programmed him to only have an English accent, not actually be English.  
  
"Uh. . ." He said after what seemed an eternity. "I'm from. . . everywhere. I've been around. Travelled up and down the place."  
  
"Yeah." She said. " That must have been. . . nice. I always wanted to travel. I guess that's why I'm here, instead of over there."  
  
"Um. . . Can I get you a drink?" He asked. Inside his stomach flipped; if she said yes, he was almost there. If not, he had failed. The Cosmo article had said so.  
  
"Sure. I'll have a double vodka and lemon. Please."  
  
He ordered without fuss, trying to stop himself from grinning stupidly. He had had a conversation and was now buying a drink for this wonderfully attractive woman. He couldn't wait to brag about this to One.  
  
The night seemed to fizzle away blissfully. Two was amazed how easy it was to talk to Mia. She didn't ask any questions about his appearance, and not too many about his past either, which was a good thing. She did, however, ask what he did for a living. He decided the best option here was to bend the truth a little, because lies always bred new lies that were hard to remember. He told her he was a bodyguard, (true) who worked for a snobby old French man (true) who kept moving all around the world, so that's why he was here (true). There were parts he left out, parts about assassination and hacking and blowing up things, well, he figured she didn't need to know about that just yet- they had only just met, of course.  
  
He wasn't sure if she was getting drunk or not, but he couldn't help but notice when her brushed the top of his hand when she ordered another drink. Something was definitely different, though he wasn't sure what. They were no longer just idly chatting, no longer just two strangers at a bar. He had learnt all about her- he knew she was a publicist; had lived in America for two years and that she had an apartment, not far from here. Two wondered about it- pictured it in his mind. It would be as beautiful and classy and. . .sexy? (he wasn't sure. All of this was new to him) as she was- he imagined her there, lounging on the couch, smiling her wondrous smile, wrinkling up her nose. He wanted to be there too.  
  
She brushed past him again, slowly. She was definitely doing it on purpose. Cosmo had said that flirting was all about subtlety. And eye contact. You could never get enough eye contact.  
  
She chatted away, sipping on her vodka and lemon, and Two nodded and 'umm- hmmed' in all the right places. He was amazed by how much he was infatuated by her, and he had only known her for two hours! He figured he must be learning all sorts of things- how to talk to act, talk, be around women- but something else too- he was learning to like them.  
  
"Do you want to dance?" She asked, innocently enough, though her smile was a little more devilish than before. Two liked the devilish smile. But the dancing suggestion he did not. He knew nothing about dancing, and he wasn't going to start learning about it now.  
  
"No. That's alright. I don't dance. I can't."  
  
She sighed and punched him playfully on the arm. His first instinct was to block it, but he realised she was just jesting.  
  
"Don't be stupid." She said. "Everyone can dance. Even you. Look, come here." She motioned him closer with her index finger. "Just move with the music. It's easy." She danced a little, raising her arms above her head and turned a full circle. Two cursed himself for not being able to take his eyes off of her butt. He wasn't sure if she noticed, but if she did, she pretended not to.  
  
He grudgingly let himself be led to the dance floor, and, as if Fate was on his side, the DJ put a slow song on. The crooning singer soon had all the couples on the dance floor, swaying gently in each other's arms.  
  
"Hey now, peeps!" The DJ said, his voice booming throughout the joint, "I wanna see all the luvvvv-ers up here! Take your ladies by the hand and I wanna see some dancing!" Mia raised an eyebrow, and slipped her hands round Two's waist. He was sure the whole room could hear the beat of his thumping heart. For them to be this close- it was kind of scary, but kind of nice. Gingerly her wrapped his arms around her, and when she did not object, they rocked together in the slow relaxing beat of the music. Two was content for it to go on forever. Half-heartedly, he wondered what his Twin was doing right now. . .  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
One chewed loudly on his popcorn, bored out of his wits. He was in the hotel room, watching a trashy movie of some kind. It was about two teenagers who travelled back in time in a telephone booth. The plot was just plain stupid, but not as stupid as the main characters- humans really did believe in the lamest things. He squinted his eyes and looked at the screen. Come to think of it, one of the characters almost looked like one of the rebels he had met not long ago. . .  
  
Too bored to stay awake, he switched the T.V. off, and fell asleep. He checked the clock. 12.35. As he slowly slipped into slumber, he wondered if Two had been successful at getting a date.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Successful? More than that. Three billion light years more. Two had done it- got her number, arranged a time to see her again, and it that wasn't a date, what was? And what was more, when he had chauffeured her back to her apartment and walked her to her door, she had kissed him. It was just on the cheek, and she was definitely drunk by now, so it didn't mean much. But still. . . it was soft and warm and there was nothing more in the world he had wanted than to be kissed by those lips again and again. It seemed that he had learnt about lust too.  
  
As he drove back, he couldn't stop himself from smiling. It was as if she had pasted herself onto his mind and she was all he could think about. It was a strange feeling, something he was not used to. He was used to lots of things; being shot at; the vile insults hurtled at him from The Merovingian whenever he was in a temper, and even used to the fact that his (and One's) face was no. 27 in the America's Most Wanted List. But a crush? There was no programming knowledge for that. It was something he'd have to figure out on his own. Smugly, he fingered the piece of paper in his pocket that had her cell number scrawled tipsily across it. He wasn't going to call her tomorrow- the article said that would look too desperate. And not in a week's time either, she would feel as if he had blown her off. Three days, he rationalised, would be enough. Or maybe he could narrow it down to two. . . or maybe tomorrow was his best bet. He would find out soon enough.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~**~ MEEP! Well done! You read it! ::applauds::  
  
So. . . what will happen next? Will One get a date? Will Two keep his? You will only know if you review and inspire me! ::cough::  
  
Till next time,  
  
~*Eddie*~ 


	5. A Call

Aw, I love you guys! You really know how to keep a girl inspired. . . here I was thinking no one would like this story.. . but you proved me wrong, and boy am I grateful! (  
  
I'm going on holiday on Friday, and will be back next Saturday, so I though I'd just give you a little snippet so you don't forget about Ol' Eddie. . .  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own. Sue me and I'll cry as I have no money- I'm a student for Pete's sake! They give me bus discounts and free cheeseburgers at McDonalds- but sadly not the characters from The Matrix. So everything that happens here- it's all in harmless fun.  
  
And onto the story:  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Well?"  
  
"Well What?"  
  
"What is she like?"  
  
Two sighed. He conjured up a memory of Mia and sent it over to One.  
  
"Nice." His brother said.  
  
"Uhuh. And we're going out again next Thursday. So I believe I won the who- can-get-a-girl-the-fastest thing. Now hand it over."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"C'mon, I won the bet." He held out a hand. " Give me the money."  
  
"There was no bet, doofus. So you can take that hand away before I remove it from my sight."  
  
"Ooooooh." Two said sarcastically. "Ickle One pissed off that he can't get a date?"  
  
"No." One said calmly. "I haven't even tried yet. You know that."  
  
"Well there must be a reason." Said Two.  
  
"A reason for WHAT?"  
  
"That you haven't tried. I bet I know. One's scared- a scardey little pounce who can't even bring himself to find a date!"  
  
One grabbed the closest object to him- which happened to be a chocolate mint Room Service had left- and hurled it at his Twin. It hit him squarely on the nose.  
  
"Ow! Hey, no need to be using those things as ammunition! They hurt you know!" He said, rubbing his nose. One didn't reply. Instead, he pulled on his coat and headed for the door.  
  
"Where are you going now?" Two asked.  
  
One shrugged. "Out."  
  
"Oh, out? That's specific."  
  
"It's all you need to know."  
  
"Well. . . then." As his Twin left, Two smacked his fist fist on the table. Well then? That was the best comeback he could think of? He would have to think up some new ones before One got back.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
One toked heavily on a cigarette, and relaxed. He was back in the café again. It worried him that Two had already found a date and he hadn't even talked to a woman. Two was actually beating him at this. It was usually the opposite; One was the systematic, job-done kind of guy, whilst Two was more spontaneous and messy, and that approach usually never worked. So why was it now?  
  
He scanned the people walking past, with a growing sense of desparation. It wasn't that he couldn't do this assignment. It was just that. . . he hadn't seen anybody he liked yet. They were all okay, and some of the women out there were very pretty. Like this Mia for instance. How did that mangy bastard Two land a chick like THAT? He racked his brain but knew he didn't know the answer.  
  
He went back to staring mundanely at the people outside. Blonde, brunette, redhead. . . it might have just been him, but they all looked the same. Though not in an identical sort of way, a more. . . cosmetic way. He couldn't explain it. There was no-one out there who he particularly wanted to go and strike up a conversation with, not really. He had read in Cosmo (the thing he had come to call 'that fucking magazine') about people who set their standards too high. Oh god. . . he wasn't turning into one of those lame sensitive people he had seen on the daytime T.V. shows, was he? The thought set off a low tingle of fear in his stomach. Actually, he thought, trying to calm himself down, there IS someone who you find attractive. But it would never work. Too complicated, too illogical and most of all, too stupid. But still. . .  
  
He sighed and ordered a cup of tea. After gulping that down he felt a little better, though he had burnt his tongue.  
  
He felt a vibration in his pocket and realised his phone was ringing. He knew he it was, only one person in the whole Matrix had his number.  
  
"Yes?" He said, thinking the last person on earth he had wanted to speak to was the stuck up French person on the end of the line.  
  
"'Ow eez it going?" The Merovingian asked, not bothering with a hello.  
  
"Um. . .great." One lied.  
  
"Really?" Merovingian quizzed, as though a little suprised by his remark.  
  
"Yeah." One said, trying to sound casual, but failing miserably.  
  
"Good," Merovingian crooned. "I was beginning to feel as zhough I would never get my best bodyguards back."  
  
"It's only been a couple of days."  
  
"Oh, but eet feels like zhousands, you know? I'd like you to hurry up a bit. Two weeks should be enough for this. . . assignment. And then I want to meet zhis lucky lady of yours. And you other 'alf, 'ow is 'e coping with zhis assignment?"  
  
"Great too." Said One, intruiged that the first truth he had spoken was harder to speak than all of the lies.  
  
"Fantastique!" The word screeched out of the earpiece. "It looks as though I'll be having two ladies to meet, zhen. 'Ow delightful!" He droned on about how fantastic and delightful it all was, and after a while One took the cell away from his ear, bored of his bosses' ramblings. After what seemed eons, the phone call was over, but it left new worries in its wake.  
  
Dinner? In two weeks? One dug his fingernails into his forhead. He hadn't even got a date. And the most annoying part of it all was that Two had. Bastard! He slammed his fist on the table, startling an old woman on his right. He sighed. He needed a miracle.  
  
He left the café, without bothering to pay, and walked. He had no idea where he was going, but kept walking anyway as if his life depended on it. In his head thoughts were screaming round and round his brain; maybe he could kidnap someone, force them to play along, and let them go afterwards? Maybe he could make some excuse up to not go to dinner? Maybe. . . Argh, it was no use.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dan dan daaah! What on earth will happen next? I ahd actually written another part to this, but my computer decied to crash and I could't be assed to type it again. So. This is another short chapter I know, but I wanted to give you guys something before I went on holiday. Hope you enjoyed!  
  
~*Eddie*~ 


	6. The Goth

Doo doo doo. Howdy! I'm baa-aack! So by the power invested in me I will continue writing this fic. . . I am determined to finish it, so do your part and keep inspiring me by reviewing! //cough//  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Response to reviews:  
  
AllNightDreamer: Yup, I had to go on holiday, but never fear! I'm back now! I agree with you, my chapters should be longer, but I have Lazy Writer Syndrome. Watch out! It's contagious. But yeah, I'll try to keep my chapters at least over 1000 words.  
  
Kit: Look, I hurried up with the next chapter! Yay! This took me two hours to write, I think, which is quite good going for me. Yay.  
  
Kyrillia: Yup, I know I'm mean, giving you a little teaser then buggering off for eight days. So, to make up for it, you all get cookies! //hands them out//  
  
Tashilover: Don't worry, I have taken pity on the poor schmo-he gets a date this chapter. Hurrah! It's the Goth idea- so everyone who suggested/backed up the idea- well done! Extra cookies for you and feel proud!  
  
Karina of Darkness: Many bad things. And yes, I will be making my characters getting mixed up about who's who. It's gonna be fun. . .  
  
Randomblossom: I do know what those twin-fans are like with those switch blades. . . so I continue to post knowing that if I don't my life is in peril. Now if that's not a motivational factor I don't know what is. ¬_¬ And my ideas? In my brain. My twisted, strange brain. Yessum.  
  
Megami no Inazumi: "boil in my own imagination?" That's a cool image. One I may use in the near future whilst waiting for a fic, drawing or similar. I like to steal things. ^_^  
  
Nissi Nirvani: Mia is a nice girl. Actually, she's the grown-up version of my friend, er, Mia. She pestered me silly into writing her into this fic, (because she's as mad on the Twins as I am) and after baking me cookies and twisting my arm behind my back I said 'okay! You're in the damn fic!' And there you go.  
  
Thank you to everyone else who reviewed the other chapters I haven't responded to! You guys are the greatest!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Disclaimer: You've read it five times, and it hasn't changed: I don't own the characters from the matrix, otherwise I'd be living it up in my palace made of gold in Europe somewhere. Um.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The thing about life is, that, for the most part, it is a balance. It may not be a fair balance, and it may not be a regular thing, but usually what comes around manages to go around. So, what goes up must come down. But by saying that, it is fair to conclude that what goes down has got to get higher at some point.  
  
One was down. He had fourteen measly days to find a date. Fourteen days. How was he supposed to find someone and persuade them to go to dinner with him, his Twin and his boss, in fourteen days? The line-up was pretty off putting as it was. Try as he might, he couldn't think of a way around the problem. Each scheme that flew around his head was wilder and more unworkable than the last. He could. . . persuade a hobo, (female, preferably) and tell her she would get a free meal if she went on the date. He could. . . pay for a hooker and ask the girl to play along. He could. . . not turn up to the dinner. Or turn up without a partner. The latter two would undoubtedly cause the most pain. The Menovingian never did cope well with the failure of his cohorts.  
  
Just as everything looked it's worst, just as One started to wander aimlessly around the streets as day turned into night and contemplate about going back to The Source and start over, everything changed, quite suddenly.  
  
It began with a tap on his shoulder.  
  
He wheeled round, spinning lithely on one foot and dropping to a fighting stance, unsure of what was to follow.  
  
All he noticed first was black hair- and lots of it. Then he noticed a face, studded with piercings and plastered in make-up. If you could call it that, anyway. One had seen make-up on the women he had met at various parties as they giggled and clung to the Merovingian's arm. It was delicate, and softly outlined the lips, eyes, or gave a slightly rosy look to the cheeks. But this! It was unlike anything he had seen before. Black screamed around both of the eyes and was painted cruelly over lips. It clashed, One thought, rather horribly with the lightness of the skin, even though it was in no way as pale as his own. The studs embedded in the eyebrow were kind of freaking him out, too. He stared at the girl, who stared back at him. For a while, neither spoke. Then finally, she opened her black mouth, and said:  
  
"Fucking Hell."  
  
It wasn't what One had expected. A 'Hello' maybe, or even 'hand over your wallet' (which would have been very foolish and unfortunate for the Goth- the last person who had tried to rob One had had his wrist snapped in half) but- 'fucking hell'. . . he didn't know what to do with that. Was it a new form of greeting? Should he swear back at her? For the moment he was content to step a few paces back and eye her suspiciously.  
  
"You. . . You're one of them, aren't you? A real one. Fucking hell. . ." She trailed off into obscenities again, and this time One had to respond.  
  
"Err," He said, confused. "One. . . what?"  
  
"A vampire, man. I've never seen a real one before. But I always knew you existed, I've believed in your kind for ages, you know? I was always defending you, and shit. I mean, you're real, aren't you? I always knew."  
  
One decided then and then that whatever came out of this girl's mouth didn't make sense. But then it hit him- vampires. He had seen movies- trashy, old b-movies- that had vampires in. They were creatures that could turn into bats and suck the blood of people, or something. He was pretty sure he wasn't one. So why did she think he was? Ah. Realisation hit him again. The skin. In all of the movies, they had pale skin. Also the fact that he had wheeled round into a fighting stance when she had touched him didn't help his 'completely normal and innocent' image.  
  
She was staring at him, her eyes mixed with awe and admiration.  
  
"Um. . . " One said, not sure of what to say. "You think I'm. . . a vampire?" He didn't know whether to be offended or proud.  
  
"Yeah, course I do." She answered. " I can feel it. It's all this weird sixth-sense shit, isn't it? You just know. . . but seriously. . . I'm. . . honoured! You know I'd do anything for you, right? I mean, you're like my saviour, man. I mean-"  
  
"Wait." One cut in, and to his surprise she shut up completely. "You'd do anything? Seriously?" He had had a brainwave- and it was turning into a plan. . .maybe he might just be able to pull this off. . .  
  
"Fuck me, of course I'd do anything. I fucking worship you, man."  
  
"Really."  
  
"Yes. Totally."  
  
"Then. . ." One sighed. It was now or never. " I don't suppose. . .you'd like to go on a. . . date or something?"  
  
The question hung in the air awkwardly. One held his breath.  
  
"A. . .date?" The Goth clasped her hands to her mouth. She looked shocked. One sighed. He knew she'd say no. He was stupid for even trying. He was- wait. She was smiling. It was a manic, kind of scary smile, but it was there. And she was nodding, which was also a good sign.  
  
"Fucking hell! I mean, you and me?" She was hyperventilating. And her smile was growing wider, if that was possible. "Of course! Fucking hell! Wait. . .this is. . . fucked up. You'd seriously want to go on a date with me? I'm. . .like nothing, compared to you. You're a vampire man, a real fucking vampire!"  
  
One couldn't bare to correct her, she seemed so happy at the thought of him being of blood-sucking nature. As she fanned her face with black-taloned hands, he found himself smiling. She was pretty, in a . . . black sort of way, and he although he was sure The Merovingian wouldn't approve it was nice to have someone be so. . . offensive. She looked young, perhaps too young, but he didn't mind.  
  
"When do you want to. . . y'know? Go out?" The Goth said, breaking his chain of thoughts.  
  
"Oh, anytime." He said, deciding to play it casual. "Whatever's good for you."  
  
"Really?" She seemed a little taken aback. "'Cos there's this new dive just opened up. Real cool. I would really like to go. It's all that underground scene, you know? Totally the shit. Unless. . . you don't want to?" She looked up at him, biting her nail.  
  
One wasn't really listening. He had a date, and one that worshipped him at that. In your pasty face, Two!  
  
"Sure, sure." He said absently. She gave a little squeak of delight.  
  
"It's uh, on Thursday. Is that okay?"  
  
Thursday, One thought. That's two day's time. Perfect.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
She rummaged wildly in her backpack and scribbled down her number.  
  
"Here you go." She sad hurriedly. "Call me, whenever, okay? Please."  
  
One nodded. He turned to leave, putting the paper in his pocket, when she called out to him.  
  
"Hey! Wait! I don't know your name!"  
  
He briefly thought about making one up, but as she thought he was a vampire, a normal, human name wasn't exactly necessary.  
  
"One." He said simply.  
  
"One?" She repeated. There was a pause. Then: "Cool."  
  
He nodded, before turning and leaving her there alone, on the sidewalk, at eleven-twenty at night. It was just when he reached the next corner that he realised he didn't know her name. But he didn't care. He had her number, and more importantly, he had a date. He was going to show that bastard Two who knew more about dating.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Three days was up. That had been the rule. Two hovered over the hotel phone. He should just pick up the receiver and call her. It wasn't hard. Just punch in the numbers and lift the phone to your ear. . .  
  
But something was stopping him, and he didn't know what. For the fifteenth time he folded out the paper which Mia had drunkenly scrawled over and stared at it blankly. It was just a series of numbers that would put him in contact with her. That was all. He lifted the receiver only to plonk it down again. This is bloody hopeless, he thought. He folded up the paper and put it in his pocket.  
  
He sighed. Why was he so. . .apprehensive? It wasn't fear stopping him- Two knew about fear- it was more primal and tense. This was more of a. . . feeling, somewhere in his stomach. Nervousness? Maybe that was it. It was something he had never encountered before, and he didn't like it.  
  
He heard a rap on the door and the scrape of a key. It was One. And about fucking time too- it was getting on for twelve o'clock. As his Twin strode across and sank down on the sofa, Two realised something was different. One was smiling. Two regarded him suspiciously. One hardly ever smiled- and when he did it was usually about the explosions and beatings he had just handed out on various jobs.  
  
"What are you so happy about?" Two asked bluntly.  
  
"Nothing." His Twin said simply.  
  
"Oh, don't you give me that 'Nothing' crap. I know it's something."  
  
"Well, yeah, it is."  
  
"Well what, then?"  
  
". . .Let's just say you're not the only one who can get a date."  
  
There was silence for a while. Two's jaw hung open. One enjoyed the dumbfounded expression on his brother's face- savoured every minute of it. If he had had a camera, he would have probably taken a picture.  
  
"You?" Two said, finally finding his voice, though it was high and riddled with disbelief. "With. . . who? How?"  
  
"Ah, just some girl who couldn't take her eyes off me." One yawned, stretching. "You know, when you've got the gift, you've got the gift."  
  
Two's expression changed suddenly. He scowled.  
  
"I don't believe you." He sneered. " You haven't got any proof."  
  
"I don't need proof. You know it's true."  
  
Damn. He was right. Two always knew when One was lying because he was hopeless at it. And right now, he was telling the truth. Two would have bet two million dollars on it.  
  
One decided to change the subject.  
  
"Have you phoned your girl yet?" He asked innocently, knowing full well that Two hadn't.  
  
"I was. . . just about to." Two said.  
  
"Well, at midnight I would guess she'd be pretty pissed off if you woke her up."  
  
Fuck, Two thought. The bastard was right. Have I really spent two hours by the phone, picking it up and putting it down again?  
  
"How long have you been here?" One asked, reading his thoughts and deciding to grill his sibling a bit more. "Let me guess: One hour? Two? Three?"  
  
". . . Shut up." Two sulked.  
  
"You're not. . .scared are you? Of phoning her?" Teasing, teasing. Oh, it was so fun.  
  
"I said shut up. I'm not scared. And I've only been here an hour." It was a blatant lie, and One picked up on it straight away.  
  
"Liar."  
  
"Okay, so it's two. Are you happy now? I'm. . . just a little freaked out, is all. The only person I've phoned is. . ."  
  
"The boss. I know."  
  
"And, like what am I gonna say? 'Hello, girl I met three days ago, it's that scary guy from The Lounge, d'you wanna meet up tomorrow?"' He spat the words out as if they were rancid.  
  
"Well, yeah." One said, patting his Twin on the shoulder. "Except I wouldn't call yourself 'The Scary Guy'. That would look a little. . .weird."  
  
Two nodded.  
  
"Hey. . ." He said, turning to face One. "I don't suppose, you could do it? I mean, we have the same voice and everything. Right?"  
  
One shrugged. "Sure. But not tonight. Tomorrow. Not so late."  
  
"But I've broken the three-day rule! I've-"  
  
"Forget about the bloody three day rule. It's just a stupid fucking rule from a fucking magazine. Okay?"  
  
Two nodded, though One could tell he wasn't thoroughly convinced.  
  
"Now shut up and go to sleep. Okay? And for God's sake, there's a chocolate mint on your pillow. Don't fucking sleep on it."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ta-daa! There you go. I went for the Goth idea- so to everyone who suggested it: thank you and big hugs! And don't worry, there will be another Goth for added enjoyment. I've just realised something- all my stories seem to have at least one character that swears a lot. Weird. Anyway. I'm back from France now, and I'm on my summer vacation! Yay! To all who read this, you get a muffin. //hands them over//  
  
Love,  
  
~*Eddie*~ 


	7. The Bloodbath

I love all of you. Your reviews are so darn nice! //huggles all to point of insanity// but man! Talk about a demanding audience! Kidding! Actually, I like being asked to update soon. It kind of motivates me. I think I want to add more of the Matrix cast in here, though. Maybe even this Axel guy, who I rescued whilst playing 'Enter The Matrix'. (Which is a kick-ass game btw, go buy/rent it now!) He seems very cool- perhaps even my next obsession? Hmm- time will tell. And on with the random series of words and punctuation which is this fic. . .  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Response to Reviews:  
  
Alocin: I definitely like the romantic movie idea! It will be coming up in future chapters, don't worry! ^_^  
  
Eyana: Lol! Please write me more little comic scenes, they are so cute. Though I'm sure One would prefer red wine to strawberry juice, ne? ^_~  
  
Tashilover: "Whoa, so are you like, the master vampire or something? Cause like, you ugly and old and stuff..." I am SO putting that line in this fic when she meets him! Lol!  
  
Kyrillia: No, the transvestite idea isn't bad, it's just weird. ^_^ And yes, I'm on my holidays, so yes, I should be updating sooner. . . but that's just a crazy theory. My laziness will ultimately prevail. But you can still bug me for updates, I don't mind! And I'm glad you're loving this story!  
  
Kit: Glad you liked the muffins! And don't worry, people telling me to hurry up is a good motivational factor. It combats the Lazy Writer Syndrome. //glee//  
  
Allnigtdreamer: "I was almost disappointed when you went with the goth chick idea because it was just going to be another self gratifying 'someone like me meets the character-what's gonna happen' kind of thing." Ah well, no it won't be, dun you worry! I am certainly not a Goth- though I have many friends who are. The Goth girl is just a figment of imagination who people suggested and I thought would lead the characters into some funny situations. . .^_~  
  
Megami No Inazumi: Lol! Let your stepsis continue to look at you weirdly, 'cos this fic will not end for quite a while! And yes, I have a feeling the chocolate mint will keep reoccurring here. . . It's a conspiracy. . . ¬_¬  
  
Thanks to everyone else who have, and are about to //cough// review!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Disclaimer: I may own a lot of things- CD's, Books, a few films, a T.V. and a Playstation II, But sadly I do not own the Twins or any of the characters in The Matrix, Matrix Reloaded or even Matrix Revolutions. //sigh// I do, however, own The Goth girl who I will name shortly, and Mia. Actually, Mia owns herself. . . I think. O.o  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"So. . . have you, like, always been a Vampire?"  
  
One shot his date a curious look, before turning his attention back on the road. She was a weird one. As it turned out, her name was Mortisha, or Tish for short. He didn't think it was her real name, but he wasn't fussed. She liked two things: Rock music, and black. Lots of black. Absently, he ran his hand through his dreadlocks and sighed. Back to this sodding Vampire business.  
  
"Yes, I have always been a vampire." He kept meaning to tell her- ghost, not vamp- but he was waiting for the right timing. It never came up. "Is it left here?"  
  
"Uh-uh." She nodded. "So, have you like, ever drank anyone's blood, or shit like that? 'Cos that would be, y'know, fucked."  
  
One was still unsure if 'fucked' was a good thing. Tish seemed to use it in place of so many different words it was hard to tell.  
  
"Yeah. Sure."  
  
Tish hissed with delight.  
  
"Fucking hell! Really?"  
  
One gave a nod. He was content to lie continually to her- in a week and a half the dinner with the Merovingian would be over and she could go back to staring at the full moon or walking around graveyards, or whatever the hell she liked doing normally.  
  
"Turn right here. It's uh, on the left, at the end of the road."  
  
One pulled over and stepped out of the car. He started to walk round to Tish's side, but she had already let herself out. Now she was regarding his ride, one hand stroking the door.  
  
"This is one fucked Porshe. I love it. How much?"  
  
One loved her bluntness. It was almost cute.  
  
"Oh I don't know. Fifty thou? I can't remember." He watched her as she squirmed with delight. For the first time in weeks, he thanked the boss for giving him such a high salary. It was something he took forgranted.  
  
"So," He said, taking her by the arm. " This. . . place. What's it like?"  
  
Tish shrugged. "Oh, I haven't been here yet, but my friends all say it's the shit. It's totally vamped out, man. I might even meet some more real ones. How cool is that?"  
  
One wasn't sure. He had met vampires before- some of them were working for The Merovingian- and they were a nasty sort. They were always in a bad mood, and always hurling abuse at the unfortunate maids and butlers at the Chateau. One unlucky vamp had tried laughing at The Twins on their first arrival. Like most people who laughed at them, the vamp did it once. Just once. Needless to say, The Twins were given a wide berth after that.  
  
Tish dragged One's thoughts back to the present again as she pushed open a heavy door, marked with graffiti, and motioned him inside. He was instantly overpowered by the smell of alcohol and sweat, which made him take a step backwards. He could here people talking, yelling; a loud smashing sound told him a table had just been overturned and the grunts and shouts meant a fight had just broken out. So this was 'the shit?' One had never been to a place like this before- the parties he had been to were elegant and refined- there was certainly no fighting (except for the occasion when a few rebels had interrupted one of Merovingian's many speeches; a messy riot had followed soon after.) However, he was curious- and if what Tish was saying was true, he would be held in high regard due to his vamp-ness. So, taking a breath, he followed her downstairs.  
  
"The band's gonna start soon, you know." Tish informed him as they entered the main room. "They're supposed to be fucking great, too. They've flown in from Detroit and everything. And the guitarist is soo fucking hot!"  
  
But One wasn't listening. He was gazing around, trying to take everything in. The hordes of people crammed in here were almost mind boggling- you could hardly move without bumping into someone. There was a bar over at the far corner, hidden by a mob of black wearing Goths, and in the other a small and very cramped stage, where four musicians were tuning up their instruments. One's instinct made him take note of possible exits- he could only count one, and that was where they had come in. This would be very dangerous- especially with all these people- in case a fire or psycho broke out or something: a pile up would surely follow. Okay for him though, he could just phase through the roof or something. He looked up at it- it was very low, and One was surprised to see many sprinklers were attached to the ceiling. A cloud of cigarette smoke hung in a thin veil just below them. One found this strangely comforting. He pulled out a cig and was startled by a lighter that had just appeared under his nose. A young man with a shock of green hair nodded to him, and lit his own cigarette before walking away. You had to hand it to them- these Goths were polite. . . in a scary sort of way.  
  
A blast of music erupted from the stage; One felt like he'd been deafened. He heard a scream, and after a while realised it was singing- obviously the band had started. The drums kicked in, followed by the guitar. It all mixed up to form a sort of noise that reminded One of a cat being whirled round and round by its tail. (Guiltily he knew what this sounded like; Two had persuaded him to do it to see what cats looked like when spun at high velocity.) One was sure no one in their right mind would actually like this sort of 'music', but as he looked around he saw everybody around him was yelling along with the band; Tish herself was jumping up and down, screaming 'Jack, you fucking rock!' at the singer. He shifted past all the people and made his way to the bar, where the noise was at its lowest. It was still loud enough to piss him off, though.  
  
Angrily, he ordered a red wine to calm himself down.  
  
The bartender looked slightly taken aback.  
  
"Wine? Are you fucking joking?" He poked fellow bartender next to him. "Hey, Lou, this Brit wants some red wine!" This was followed by a laugh guffaw from Lou. One fixed him with his most Bad-Ass stare- it would have sent crackles up anyone's spine, and it certainly shut Lou up.  
  
"We ain't got no wine, pal." The bartender said. "We got beer, whisky and absinthe. Which do you want?"  
  
One concluded he didn't want anything. The bartender sighed.  
  
"Suit yourself."  
  
One felt a nudge at his arm. It was Tish, out of breath from having fought her way out of the mosh pit.  
  
"Great band, aren't they?" She asked breathlessly.  
  
For the sake of not having an argument, One nodded.  
  
"Hey, can you get me a drink? Since you're loaded, and all." She asked bluntly.  
  
One didn't reply-he was looking at a red droplet that had just appeared on his coat sleeve. Gingerly he dabbed at it with his hand.  
  
"What is this?" He demanded. He looked at Tish and was surprised to see a huge grin plastered on her face as she stared up at the ceiling.  
  
"Fucking Hell!" She yelled. "The showers. . . I didn't realise! This place is a fucking Bloodbath!"  
  
"And what the hell is that?-" One asked, before he was cut off by more red droplets landing on his sleeve. He watched, in horror, as a sea of black- nailed rose up to the ceiling, and the sprinklers turned on, spraying red everywhere. It took mere seconds to cover everything and everyone with a think sheen of blood, and though One could judge by its smell that it wasn't human, (possibly cow or sheep, he concluded) it still freaked him out. His silver coat, pants- ruined! Blood was sodden into his dreads, and he had to wipe it off of his shades. Everyone had gone wild; the band was still playing- and faster and harder than ever. This combined with the red rain made everyone crazy- they looked like frenzied animals. Some even bared their teeth at One when they made eye contact. To his surprise, he spotted a few real vampires in the crowd, grabbing the nearest victim and biting down on the neck. He shuddered. Why the hell would Tish, or anyone for that matter, want to come here?  
  
He decided there and then he had to get out. He started pushing his way through the mob of people, getting a few hard shoves back for his pains. Then, the showers were suddenly switched off, and there was a loud groan from the drenched audience. The band still carried on, though with less enthusiasm. He felt someone collapse against his shoulder, and realised it was Tish again. A look of sheer euphoria had plastered itself to her face. Wait- she was barely conscious. She fell against him and One saw she had been bitten. A huge bite wound cut through the flesh on her neck, which was bleeding freely. She needed to get out of here, One thought, and maybe to a hospital too. Hauling her up into his arms, One battled his way through the crowd, delivering any swift kicks to anyone who objected. When people finally got the message he was not in the mood to be messed with, he was allowed a clear passage to the door.  
  
Once he got outside, Tish seemed a bit more lucid. He set her down in the back seat of his car, vaguely hoping she wouldn't bleed over the leather seats.  
  
He tore off a bit of his sleeve, wincing slightly as he did so, and made a makeshift gauze. Hopefully it would staunch the flow of blood.  
  
"Hey," Tish murmured. "How fucked was that? Hey- are we outside?"  
  
"No." One told her, checking her pulse. "We're in my car."  
  
She knocked his hand away.  
  
"What? We're leaving? But it's. . . it's. . ."  
  
"It's stupid, Tish. People were dying in there. You've been bitten, lost quite a bit of blood too."  
  
"Doesn't matter," She mumbled. "I was gonna be sired, man. And you stopped it! What kind of fucking vampire are you?"  
  
One sighed. He had to tell her now.  
  
"I'm uh, not a vampire. I'm. . . something else."  
  
Unfortunately, Tish had already sunk into unconsciousness. He would have to tell her some other time. Making sure the bleeding had stopped, One strapped her into the back seat. He tried to wipe off some of the blood off of his coat before getting in, but it was hopeless as most of it had dried onto the silver material. He dejectedly left it on the sidewalk- no cleaning was ever going to get those stains out.  
  
As he pulled up outside Tish's apartment building, she was coming to again.  
  
"Where. . . am I?" She asked.  
  
He decided not to answer, lifting her gently out of the car and entering her building. Trying to open the elevator doors whilst carrying a body proved to be quite difficult; and when One finally managed to get her outside her apartment he was quite out of breath. He knocked loudly on the door and set her down.  
  
"Listen." He said to her, though he wasn't sure if she could understand. "If we're to go out again, I'm choosing where we go. And it won't be any vamp bloodbaths, or whatever, okay? I need you alive for the next few weeks. I'll call you tomorrow, if you're not dead, that is. Keep a bandage on that bite. It doesn't look too bad."  
  
She mumbled something in response, and before her drowsy roommate answered the door and could spot him One had already disappeared down the stairs and was back in his bloodstained Porshe. He checked his watch. It was just past one o'clock. Hopefully he could get into the hotel and creep past the sleeping Two and wash all the blood out of his hair and hide the red- stained clothes- evidence of what must have been the worst date in history. But knowing his brother, probably not.  
  
Fucking Hell.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Doo doo doo. That didn't go well at all, did it? Ah well. And I know not all Goths are vamp obsessed clichés, but it's just a story! Next I think we'll see more of Mia, and maybe some agents/rebels will make an appearance? Who knows- I'll see where the muse takes me.  
  
Cookies and love,  
  
~*Eddie*~ 


	8. IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ THIS

Sorry, this isn't an update, though I wish with all my heart that it was. . . My computer, for some random and frankly damn annoying reason, has a 'KBC' error, which means none of the keys work, and it won't start up. I am very sad. ( So, I doubt there will be any updates from me in a while. . . but please don't forget me! If any of you know how to sort this out or have any idea what the fuck a KBC error is, please tell me in a review.  
  
~*Eddie*~ 


	9. Dinner and a Movie

Well well well. . .welcome back, my friends, it's been a long time, had it not? I have a new computer finallyand am on my summer vacation, so it's all good. I am SO sorry I took so long. I am **SO SORRY** you guys had to wait without anybody saying when I was coming back or anything. I give you all muffins, apology muffins. Sorry sorry sorry. : (  
  
And thank you to everyone that reviews, it is much appreciated and makes me type faster! Muchos thanks to anyone who started reading this and is STILL reading it a year later! kisses for all! MWAH!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Matrix characters, but I DO own Tish, Mia and the anonymous rebel you will meet in this chapter!

**THANK YOU **for reading this!

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Chapter 9  
  
Dinner and a movie. That was all. It had sounded so wonderful. Two sighed into his popcorn and squirmed around in the uncomfortable seat. Come to think of it, the dinner hadn't been too bad; an expensive, subtle French restaurant with a waiter whose head bobbed furiously up and down as he surveyed the strange couple- Two was just beginning to think he could pull this off. . .but no. The problem was the movie.  
  
Never having been to the movies before, Two had let Mia choose what film they were to watch. He hadn't counted on her, a woman of such style, wit and general loveliness, to pick such a mundane, boring, never-ending piece of crap. "Romantic Comedy", it had said on the poster. And whilst Two had to admit the romantic bit was right- there was plenty of relationships and kisses and meaningful looks- there was a definite lack of comedy. It wasn't funny at all. No-one was mauled, beaten, blown up, slashed, bit, ravaged, drugged, decapitated, killed, shot, bludgeoned, sliced, diced or even hurt the tiniest little bit. Nothing! But Mia had chuckled intermittedly throughout, so Two found himself conjuring up a strange noise somewhere in his throat whenever she laughed to convince her he was having a good time.  
  
'Just half. . . and hour left' he kept telling himself. ' Just. . .half . . . and hour. . .'  
  
It had not all been bad, though. Mia hadn't minded when he had delicately placed his arm around her. In fact, she had snuggled into his side more than anything. She felt nice there. She had this wonderful warmth to her, and if he listened hard, he could hear her heart beating. He could her breathing, watch her blink, feel her hand on his knee, feel the vibration in his jacket pocket. . .  
  
Wait- vibration? Shit. His phone. Why was The Merovingian phoning him now?  
  
"My boss," He said to her, pointing to his flashing phone in a way of explanation. Mia nodded, though there was a look on his face he hadn't seen before. "I'll be back, ok?"  
  
He answered his phone the second he was outside.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Erm. . ." The Merovingian's voice was slightly crackly through the speaker. "I appear to be 'aving a certain. . . problem you need to deal with." He seemed less confident than usual.  
  
"What with? This isn't the best time. . .sir." Two was forgetting to be polite. His boss had torn him away from Mia, he wasn't about to be a nice polite little assassin.  
  
"Just get down to ze Mall in South Road." The Merovingian sighed. "One is already on ees way. Some rebels, zhey 'ave stolen somethink of mine, I would wish to 'ave back, you see." He hung up. Great, Two thought. A date cut short by the rebels messing around in the Matrix. Why couldn't they have waited until half an hour?  
  
"Two!"  
  
He spun round to see Mia running up to him.  
  
"What's wrong? Why did you leave?" She asked.  
  
"Uh," Two said, thinking. He wasn't sure if it was just his imagination, but he could hear police sirens in the distance. "You know, my boss- I've got to do something." Yes, the police sirens were definitely getting louder. Mia's face was mixed with curiosity and disappointment.  
  
"Can't it wait?"  
  
"No. It can't. I'm sorry, but it can't." The sirens were deafening now, and a few seconds later two police cars whizzed round the corner and raced past them. Two hoped Mia wouldn't make the connection. She seemed oblivious.  
  
"Well. . .okay. Phone me tomorrow?"  
  
"Yes," Two said, as another police car raced past. He needed to get away, the sooner the better. "Okay. Tomorrow. Yes. Fine."  
  
She leant closer, Two could see every little detail on her face. He felt himself leaning toward her too, and just as he was forgetting the apparent emergency, just as he could feel her soft breath on his face, feel her lips brush his, a loud explosion a few blocks away broke them apart.  
  
"I reallyhave to go." He said.

* * *

Two arrived at South Mall to find it in pieces. The police were already swarming over the scene and the rebels had scattered. No sign of One either. Not that Two was worried- One could look after himself. He wondered what it was that the rebels had stolen from The Merovingian. Something important, if they had done this amount of damage.  
  
He pulled over and got out of the car, his senses on overload. The night was clear- although the streetlamps blotted out most of the stars he could still see the clear, cloudless sky up ahead. He stalked past the scene of the crime looking for clues, something, anything.  
  
All of a sudden he felt himself being drawn towards a dark alley. Two had always learnt to trust his instincts. He clenched his left fist, his right hand disappearing in his pocket and bringing out the deadly switchblade. Although it was very dark his sharpened senses could still see. He followed the alleyway, which brought him out onto another road, and something caught his eye. Something dark that had stained the road. Two knew it was blood the second he saw it. He turned left, running now, and followed the path his instinct was taking him.  
  
Ten minutes later he found himself slightly out of breath and outside an old abandoned building. Perfect. He phased through the thick wall easily, and everything became tinged with green. Once inside, he spotted the phone sat on an old table. This must be the point. He settled into a corner and waited.  
  
It wasn't long before he heard a door being wrenched open and the sound of dragging feet. He saw a young man stagger into the scene, one arm clutching his side. Two stepped forward, still in shadow, watching him. The man was standing by the phone now, waiting for it to ring. Two knew it wouldn't, having disconnected it a minute before. He stepped out of the shadows silently. The rebel turned around and the breath caught in his throat.  
  
"Don't fight, you won't stand a chance." Two said, advancing, his switchblade flashing in the dull light that leaked in from the outside streetlamps. "I know you're hurt."  
  
The rebel shifted his weight and grimaced. Two scrutinized him- by the looks of it, a sprained ankle and the possibility of a few broken ribs. This would be easy. With lightning speed Two ran at the rebel, his free hand grabbing him by the throat and pushing him upwards, so his feet were lifted off the floor. The rebel spluttered and his hands locked onto Two's arm, trying to throw him off, but it was no use.  
  
"I'm going to ask you this once." Two said, his voice cold. This little maggot was the reason he had left Mia early, the reason their first kiss had been interrupted- it was safe to say Two was pissed. " What was your target?" The rebel only gasped more, his eyes bulging. Two dropped him, he landed with a heavy thud on the floor. Two waited until the rebel could breathe again. "Well?"  
  
"Go. . .to. . .Hell . ." The young man managed between gasps. Two rolled his eyes.  
  
"It's just a simple question." He breathed, his voice amicable and almost friendly. "You tell me, I plug that phone back in, you get to go back. What was your target? Tell me."  
  
". . .No."  
  
Two kicked him in the ribs, hard. He heard a crack even through the screams.  
  
"Now, it's your fault I'm doing this." Two said. "Just tell me and I'll stop." The rebel writhed on the floor, his arms wrapped around his ribs.  
  
"Please. . ." He said. " I . . .can't tell you. . "  
  
Two knelt down and held the switchblade close to the young man's face.  
  
"Do I really have to use this?" He asked, twirling it expertly with his fingers. The rebel's eyes widened with fear. "Because, my dear friend, you are really forcing me to, I-" But he was cut off. Another vibration in his pocket. He flipped the cell open.  
  
"What?" He said, expecting The Merovinigian to start barking orders.  
  
"Two? Hi, it's Mia, I just wanted to see if you were alright." Oh, shit. Two ran a hand through his dreadlocks.  
  
"Why wouldn't I be fine?" He said irritably, before adding: " Fine? I'm fine."  
  
"I just got back, on the news, the Mall's been destroyed, some terrorists, they said someone with white dreads was spotted at the scene, I just wanted to check. . . I-"  
  
"Look, Mia." Two said, "Now's not a good time. Really busy."  
  
The rebel saw Two's anticipation to end the call, a cried out:  
  
"Help!" He yelled, before Two launched another foot at his face, which shut him up pretty quickly.  
  
"What was that?" Mia seemed shocked.  
  
"Uh. . . nothing," Two lied unconvincingly. "Something on the TV." She seemed to accept that explanation.  
  
"Okay. Call me tomorrow."  
  
"Yes." He hung up on her. He would have to apologise tomorrow. Back to the rebel, who was now unconscious on the floor. Damn. Now the interrogation was over. Two sighed. The Merovingian would not be happy. He stepped over the rebel, looked back, thought about killing him, but it was never any fun when they were unconscious. Instead, he searched the rebel quickly and pocketed his cell phone. A contact- useful. At least tonight hadn't been a complete loss. He opened the old door and walked quickly into the night.

* * *

Well done! You've got to the end of this long-awaited chapter. Again, **I AM SO SORRY** it has been, what, a year? But I am determined to finish this story. So, if you review, you get lots of cookies, and more apologies I made you wait do long! **SORRY!**

* * *

**_eddie_**

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	10. Shopping

Hello! Eddie here!

Well, thank you for getting so far in this fic. I actually didn't think I would get to Chapter 10, but there you go. We all like surprises, ne? I think this story will draw to a close in a few Chapters time, depending if stuff I put in takes longer to type than I estimate it to. So. Well done, you're over half way there! Cookies and muffins!  
  
As always, thank you to anyone who reviews, they are appreciated so much, it makes me type faster. It's been scientifically proven!   
  
If you want to leave an idea in a review, please do, but there is no guarantee I will use it, though I have used a few already. . . ¬¬  
  
Disclaimage: I do not own owt, except Mia (who was named after my friend) and Tish (who was named after my old cat).

* * *

**Review Responses:** (for chapter 8)  
  
**Dragonet:** Well, I did some sleuthing, and a KBC error is when the keyboard isn't recognised by the computer. It's a bugger: either get a new computer or get a new keyboard. Actually, cleaning the keyboard works in some cases, though sadly not in mine. : (  
  
**Sugar Icing:** Well, the Twins are double-t hott, I agree! And I also switch what I "am" some days. Punk, Goth, Slob, Tracksuits, dresses, sport gear, plastic bags. . .I wear anything! It's the way to go!  
  
**Polychrome (un-log-inafied):** Well, you can see, more finally did come! Sorry about the wait. Hope the login is working now!  
  
**magnolia31:** I'm very glad you like this fic, I am finishing it now as we speak!   
  
**Hkathar:** Thank you for loving this! bows  
  
**Matrix-Twin 1:** never fear, I am back, and you can continue to love this story!  
  
**The Lady Elentari:** Thank you! I'm glad you like Twin One. I have no favourites coughTwo cough¬¬ It is good to know one is getting some fan-love too!  
  
**Megami No Izumi:** Lol, sadly, no water was involved; it was just a really old laptop. I'm on my parent's computer now, while they are at work. . . evil laugh  
  
**Kit 19:** Thank you for asking around, that's very sweet of you. Whilst I'm here, I'd like to thank EVERYONE who tried to help or couldn't but hoped for the KBC error to go away anyway. Thank you! I can tell you exclusively the cure is: get a new computer XD  
  
**Tashilover:** A chipmunk on drugs, huh? Yeah. That's not very technical. . .  
  
**Shoa Uk:** I took your advice and switchblade-ed my computer. Trust me: don't do this. Ever. It results in electrical pain.  
  
**Eris:** Please don't cry! The error is gone now! Yay!  
  
**Amber Eyed Wolf:** The KBC is fixed now. Can I get a woop woop?  
  
**Chapter 9 responses:**  
  
**Megami No Izumi:** Well, it's good I made you squeal. . .I think. More on the way!  
  
**Tashilover:** Aw, thanks for giving up on me and then coming back again! No, I mean it! I know some people won't return to Ol' Eddie- they've just moved on and I'm fine with that! And rest assured, One is un-explodey, so it's all good.  
  
**Kyrillia:** Hey, that's some nice dancing! And you may be forgiven for thinking I was out of the picture, but I always come back in the end! Mwah ha ha! And don't worry, I'm sure Two will get plenty compensation for the interrupted kiss. . .trails off  
  
And on with the fic!

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**Chapter 10**  
  
The Twins had been in The Merovingian's office for over and hour, standing as still as they could, without flinching, as their boss yelled obscenities at them in a variety of languages. It took a little getting used to, being yelled at by a red-faced-bulging-eyed-really-really-pissed-off-Frenchman, but the Twins made a game of it, by trying to count the veins pulsing out of their bosses' forehead.  
  
They were only half-listening to what The Merovingian had been squawking about, something to do with "ztolen information" and "incompetence of ze people I employ" and "Ze Matrix's absolute unstoppable desire to foil my plans" and other mundane things like that. Two was more concerned about Mia- she hadn't been returning his calls lately. One was more concerned about Tish- he didn't even know if she was still alive. This was slightly worrying because the all-important dinner with the boss was scheduled for tomorrow. The Merovingian had paused, rubbing his temples and breathing slowly, which signalled the end of his rant.  
  
"Well? Do you 'ave any questions?"  
  
Two looked at his feet. One cleared his throat.  
  
"Well, erm, there is one thing." Two's mouth fell open. Whenever the boss asked if anyone had any questions you kept your trap shut and tried to make yourself as invisible as possible. The Merovingian looked shocked; it took him a while to recover.  
  
". . .What zhen?" He finally managed.  
  
"This dinner tomorrow," One said, "With our, um, acquaintances. . .is it still on?"  
  
The Merovingian's eyes almost popped out of his head. For a while The Twins were sure his head was going to burst, and they braced themselves for the explosion. But, after a while, his features settled back down and he gave The Twins a large tooth-filled grin.  
  
"But of course," he said, walking behind The Twins and opening the door, gesturing them out. "We wouldn't want to miss such a magnificent dinner with two wonderful ladies, now, would we? All because of some rebel nonsense." He actually managed a laugh, and The Twins chuckled nervously before leaving the expensive office.

* * *

One left his Twin in the foyer of the expensive hotel, pushing the buttons frantically on his phone. If this sodding dinner business was still on, it meant he would have to get Tish, and also have to make her look somehow presentable, which he wasn't sure was possible. She answered after six rings, sounding a little groggy.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Tish, it's One-" (There was a squeak of delight down the line.) "I need you to be ready in about half an hour. I'll pick you up."  
  
"But. . . .for. . . what?" Tish said, through a yawn. "I'm fucking asleep here, man. I sleep in the daytime, remember?"  
  
One dug his fingernails into his skull. This fucking vampire obsession again. He resisted the urge to reach down the phone and throttle her.  
  
"No. No you don't. You're not a vampire, okay? So you will get out of bed, you will get dressed and you will meet me outside your apartment." He heard her blow out her cheeks. There was a pause, which meant she was thinking, and then:  
  
"So. . . what are we going to do?"  
  
One smiled.  
  
"Go shopping."

* * *

It hadn't been easy, but One had done it- got Tish into a clothes store that had more colours than just black. She had fought against him at first, but subsided when he told her she would get to meet more vampires if she complied. Now he waited outside the dressing room as she tried on various dresses that he though The Merovingian would approve of. He heard Tish's voice grumble through the curtain.  
  
"What's wrong with that one?" He sighed.  
  
"It's pink." She said. "Fucking pink! I look like a fucking marshmallow."  
  
"Oh, it can't be that bad."  
  
"It is. I ain't coming out, no fuckin' way."  
  
One leant back on the chair. He saw the shopping assistant look at him with distaste. He shot an equally venomous look back at her before she walked away, tutting.  
  
"Tish, just come out. Please? The sooner we get this over with the better." There were more feeble protests, but she slowly drew back the curtain and One couldn't help gasping. Her long scruffy black hair seemed to slash the top of the dress into pieces. Her stance was all wrong, the dress was too frilly, too pretty, too pink- she did look some like some kind of marshmallow. Albeit a gothic one.  
  
"Well?" Tish asked, hoping for a better reaction than just a rude stare. "What do you think?"  
  
One looked at her face, then at the dress. Face, dress. It just didn't match. He tried to stop himself, but burst out laughing, laughing so hard a few people looked round. Tish's cheeks reddened and she stormed back into the dressing room in a swish of pinkness, and One still laughed. It was new thing to him, and he had to stop after a while because he felt like collapsing. After the giggles subsided, he wiped the tears from his eyes.  
  
"Sorry, Tish, you're right. You get to pick the next one."  
  
"Oh, no I don't. I'm told you- I don't do dresses. It don't look fucking right."  
  
"Don't be a spoilsport. I'll let you wear a black one."  
  
She still seemed unconvinced. Then:  
  
"Can I wear the big chunky boots we saw in the Goth shop a few blocks down?"  
  
One paused, but seeing no way out of the situation, agreed.  
  
"Okay!" Tish perked up, and her pierced head appeared from around the curtain. "Go and get that black dress near the front of the store- the halter-neck one, I didn't mind that one."  
  
One did what he was told, shaking his head unbelievingly. Assassin, bodyguard, yes. But personal shopper? His skin crawled at the thought of it. Still, tomorrow it would all be over. And that was good. He returned to Tish, and passed the dress to her. She came out a few minutes later, smiling shyly.  
  
"I like this one," She said awkwardly. "What do think? It doesn't make me look fat?"  
  
Alarm bells went off in One's head, and he remembered what the fucking cosmo article had said: 'If your date ever asks, she NEVER looks fat. _Ever_.'  
  
"No, you look gorgeous." He said, which seemed to have the desired effect. Tish even gave him a little twirl before disappearing behind the curtain again.  
  
"Okay. I'll have it then. But only because you said I'll get to meet more vamps."  
  
One rolled his eyes.

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Yay! Ok, a little bit short, but I like Tish and One talking, they have this almost sibling relationship, and I think it's cute. So nyah. _Please_ review if you will, I will love you and give you (yup, you guessed it) e-cookies and e-muffins all the colours of the rainbow!  
  
Random fact: The elephant is the only mammal with four knees.  
  
_Eddie_


	11. In the Car

Huzzah!  
  
Welcome, friends. Come and sit down. The next chapter will follow shortly. Hope you've all been well. It's nice out, so I seem to be doing more reading rather than typing- my bad. Anyhoo (no it's not a typo). . .  
  
WARNING! WARNING! DISCLAIMING IMMINENT! I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT MIA AND TISH!  
  
Also contains moderate fantasy violence, one substance reference, and some suggestive humour. (Not really, but that's the disclaimer for Shrek 2 and it cracks me up. XD)

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Review Responses: (I love you all)  
  
**Tashilover:** I agree. Men shopping= bitching-- even more bitchy than most women, so go figure. And of course Tish didn't look fat. Much.  
  
**Kyrillia:** Thanks! It was inspired by an advert I saw once. . . "Woman 1: does this dress make me look fat? Women 2: No, your fat makes you look fat" – All these years on, and I still love that advert. I think it was for coffee, for some strange reason. But I digress. Thank you for reviewing, and this time you'll get a sugar free cookie, just as you requested!  
  
**Megami no Izanumi:** Weirdly enough, my Mo (mum) speaks French, and is always trying to teach me some random expletives. . .parents, eh? Maybe I'll put some in for "authenticity". . .heh heh. Quelle horreur! Merde du vache! (I apologise to any French people if that is heinously wrong, I only have a measly GCSE in French.) 0  
  
**Dragonet:** Heh, thankies! I'm worried for Mia more than Tish myself, I don't really know how this is going to go, and I'm writing the bleeding fic! Heh. Well, I let my typing go where the muse takes me.   
  
**Starwolf the Insane:** Yay! Feel free to roam the world with a strange French accent! And yes, Vargas is amazing. Everyone: go read it now!  
  
Bzzzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzzzzzz. Pick up. _Pick up_. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  
  
"-Hello?"  
  
"Ah, Mia, thank God!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Uh, I mean, hi. How are you?"  
  
"Who is this?"  
  
"Uh, Two."  
  
"Oh, right. Hey."  
  
"So, are you okay?"  
  
"I guess."  
  
"Why haven't you been returning my calls?"  
  
"I dunno, just still a bit. . . weirded out."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Why? WHY? What do you mean, why? How about the way you left me at the movies! Just- went! Just like that! And then the whole mall thing- I was really worried, that guy looked just like you, are you sure you don't know anything, I mean, I'm not pointing the finger but I've been out with some weirdos in my time, and, and- not that I'm calling you weird or anything, I'm just worried- Oh, God! I don't want to accuse you, I won't, but I mean, it wasn't you was it? You weren't the guy at the mall?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Thank God!"  
  
"So, um. . . how you been?"  
  
"Great. Fine. Over the moon."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Of course not! I've been trying to keep this deadline at work, my boss is being a pig, and the e-mail systems are down- can you imagine? And. . ."  
  
Ah. Two breathed a sigh of relief. She had started to talk about some pointless personal affair and not the mall incident, which he took as a good sign. Almost an unspoken forgiveness, he thought, as if she wasn't concerned of accusing him anymore. And, for the record, he was innocent. He hadn't been at the mall- it was One's face she must have seen on the T.V. Two would have to follow his twin up on that, too. Being spotted at the scene of the crime? A very stupid mistake to make. No doubt the Merovingian was not too happy about it either.  
  
Mia's voice had ended on a high note; she must have asked a question. Shit! What did she ask? There was a lengthy silence before Two managed a 'Pardon?' which sounded squeaky and hurried. She sighed.  
  
"Have you been listening? At all?"  
  
"Yes, yes, of course! What do you mean, wasn't listening? I-"  
  
"You're awful at lying, you know that?" But he heard her giggle down the line. What strange beings these women were.  
  
"Sorry. Look, Mia. I need to ask you something."  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"My boss, he- ah, is hosting a dinner tonight. It'll be a really boring, I mean, just some old French toad waffle on about how great he is, but, I'd like it if you, uh, came. With me."  
  
He could tell she was considering this, could almost see her eyebrows knit together.  
  
"Okay, why not? But no running off this time!"  
  
Thank God. Now the next problem on the agenda.  
  
"Mia. . . there is another thing too."  
  
"What now?" Her voice was guarded, almost exasperated.  
  
"I have a brother. . ."  
  
"And? So do I. He lives in Oxford and spends his days working with bricks and cement."  
  
". . .Okay. But I mean, I have a twin. Identical."  
  
"That's not too unusual." Mia seemed a little confused, but relieved at the same time. "Look, it's not as if you're going to dress the same so I can't tell whose who, right?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"You dress the same?"  
  
Shit. Shit shit shit. Two, think of something! Something that won't sound weird.  
  
"Uh. . .yes." Okay, now an explanation. "I. . .The boss." Good, blame it on someone else. "He makes sure we look the same, it's a bodyguard thing- to confuse any enemies, so we can't get targeted." It was the truth, at a stretch. Well, Two thought it was better than 'we're just pieces of coding and don't need to change- ever'. Mia still seemed non-plussed.  
  
"You are a strange one, aren't you?"  
  
"Yes. Pick you up at six?"  
  
"Sure. Okay. See you then."

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The Twins were in the Porsche driving steadily towards Tish's house. They were both silent, though their minds kept bouncing thoughts off each other.  
  
-_Nervous, are we?  
_  
-_Shut up. You are too._  
  
-_Well you better deal with it. We have to pass this twisted test The Merovingian had set. Otherwise I'm going to have to hurt something.  
_  
Two made his mind purposefully blank so One couldn't sense what he was thinking.  
  
"Fine, be like that." His Twin sulked, before diverting his attention back to the road.  
  
The minutes crawled by. Two wondered what Tish was going to look like; One had been very guarded about his date so far. She sounded like someone The Merovingian would disapprove of, which worried Two- what if his Twin failed the task? Would he have to retake it too? He flicked his nail, partly for something to do and partly to irritate One. He could see One's jaw clench, but he kept silent. He was definitely nervous. They pulled up outside of Tish's apartment to see her waving out the window at them. She yelled, 'Be down in a minute!' and disappeared. Two timed her, just for fun. Seven minutes and thirty two seconds later, Tish burst from the door.  
  
Two had to admit he was surprised- One had seemed so critical about Tish's appearance, but to him she looked perfectly fine. Her hair was swept back off of her face to show her porcelain skin. Her makeup, whilst a little black, was nowhere near as bad as One had made out. She was wearing a matching necklace and earrings. Apart from the chunky chained boots that she wore, she looked like a proper lady.  
  
"Hey!" She said brightly as she flopped into the back of the car. Her expression changed when she saw both of them from delight to confusion to delight again. "Now wait a fuckin' minute," She said, pointing at The Twins in turn. "There's two of you? You never told me. Which one is which?"  
  
_Well,_ thought Two, _she may be a little blunt but there was definitely charisma._ One turned round in his seat. "I'm One," he said, pointing at himself. "He's my, uh, brother, Two."  
  
Tish burst out laughing, a high pitched cackle that lasted for ages.  
  
"One and Two? You gotta be fuckin' kidding me!" She was met with blank stares from the Twins and laughed harder. "And what, you're whole family's numerical? 'Oh, look, kids, it's Uncle Five?!?'" She collapsed into giggles again. Two decided any charisma he had perceived she had had gone straight out of the window.  
  
"Tish, remember, we're evil Vamps. We don't have family or proper names." One said as he started the car. Two's eyebrows almost shot off of his head.  
  
_-Vampires?_ He asked One telepathically.  
  
-_Just play along, okay? It's the only way she goes along with anything._ It was true- Tish had stopped laughing and was now looking at them both with silent awe.  
  
"Uh, Tish?" Two said. Tish looked at him through the mirror. "We're going to be picking up someone else now, okay? Someone who doesn't know about. . .the vamp issue. So no mentioning anything about vampires, okay?"  
  
Tish sighed but nodded.  
  
Time continued to crawl by, and an awkward silence had filled the car. The streetlights whizzed past as the car sped up silently. Two checked the clock; 7.47. They had to meet The Merovingian at eight- it was going to be tight. The Merovingian always appreciated punctuality.  
  
Luckily Mia was ready and waiting for them. Two immediately smiled at the sight of her- as usual, she looked stunning. She was wearing a very expensive-looking purple dress, low-cut and split up the side to show off those gorgeous legs. Two got out of the car to greet her and she surprised him with a kiss. She got into the back with Tish, who stared at her blankly.  
  
"Mia, this is Tish, Tish, Mia. And you haven't met my Twin, One."  
  
Mia nodded and said hello.  
  
"Weird, isn't it?" Tish said to Mia, nodding at The Twins. "One and Two."  
  
Mia nodded again, not sure of what to say. Luckily Tish was quiet for the rest of the journey, and Two breathed a sigh of relief when they reached the restaurant. He got out, remembered his manners and opened the door for Mia. She took his hand and smiled. Two saw his Twin do the same for Tish before muttering to the Valet to park the car. Two approached the restaurant doors and gulped.  
  
Well, this was it.  
  
Show time.

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Dan Dan Daaaahhh etc etc. Coming up to the last hurdles now, well done for getting this far! Cookies, muffins, celery sticks and salsa dip for all! : )  
  
If you guys know of the cohorts that The Merovingian keeps company with, (e.g Vlad and the rest of the Merv crew) please leave some stats/facts in a review. I am in need of character information. :D  
  
**_Eddie_**


End file.
